


ghost

by misschevalier



Series: hearts. [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Break Up, Multi, Sad, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2287700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misschevalier/pseuds/misschevalier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan felt like a ghost in his own relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ghost

**Author's Note:**

> cleaning up my folders and I found this gem, so, why no post it? this is unfinished but i feel at the same time that it's done because i don't know what to write, it's just quite anambiguous ending.
> 
> comments are really appreciated. ♥

Ryan felt like a ghost in his own relationship.

He knew it was partly his fault but he didn’t expect _all_ of this happening.

When Burnie pushed him aside after they ended The Patch and started talking about this new show they wanted to produce, Ryan knew where the man was going. “I’d like very much if you could be part of it,” Burnie told him, a bright smile on his face.

Ryan wanted to say yes, he wanted to be all excited about it and say yes, no hesitation, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Can I think about it?” 

“Of course but you have to give me an answer by Monday, Ryan,” the older man told him and excused himself when his phone started to ring quite loudly. Burnie disappeared from Ryan’s sight and he took a deep breath. He couldn’t say yes to the proposition right away because he had to discuss it with his wonderful five boyfriends, and he wouldn’t like to accept it without telling them anything.

Because accepting to this, meant that he wouldn’t be in the Achievement Hunter office as much as he’s right now. It meant that it was very probable that he had to spent night in at Stage 5, and he would have to work in the weekends. He didn’t want to ruin everything they had and what if-?

Ryan shook his head and entered the Achievement Hunter office in silence.

+

“Burnie asked me to be part of this new show him, Ashley, and Miles are producing,” Ryan announced. All of them were sitting on the kitchen table, eating Chinese takeout and talking softly at each other. It was one of those nights were their house wasn’t as loud as usual but it was still incredibly noisy.

Silence fell and all of them turned their heads to observe Ryan, who was playing with the food on his plate, not daring to look up to see his boyfriend’s expressions.

“Really? That’s awesome!” Jack was the first one to say something, followed by Ray, who nodded and told him that he was excited for him. Gavin made incredulous noises, because he had been hearing amazing things about the project, and now Ryan was working on it? That was thrilling.

Michael and Geoff didn’t say anything for a while and it wasn’t until Geoff finished his food that he asked “And what’s wrong with it?”

“I’d barely be in the office because I’ll put my attention on the project, which means, well… that I wouldn’t be able to record as much, neither edit, or be with you in the same space, really. It’s only a few months but if you’re not okay with it-”

“Do you really want to be part of the project?” Geoff asked and Ryan only nodded slowly, in silence. “Then be part of it.” He said, taking a swig of his beer.

Ryan looked around at his boyfriend’s faces and noticed their smiles. “Really? Aren’t you upset?”

“Why we would be upset with you?” Michael frowned.

“I don’t know-”

“Don’t be silly, Ry-bread.”

“I think we can be okay without you for a few months, right?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Ray answered.

“If you want to be in the project, go and say yes to Burnie, love,” Gavin looked at him lovingly. “We’re not going to stop you for doing things. Unless they’re stupid things, because then we’ll be the first in telling you nope but-”

“I think he got the point, Gavin, shut up.” Gavin pouted at Michael, who only laughed and gave him a soft peck. Ryan, in the other side, was staring at Geoff, who was doing the same. _Thank you_ , Ryan mouthed and Geoff shook his head, with a smile on his face.

Ryan couldn’t believe how lucky he was sometimes.

+

The first months after Ryan started working in the project were almost perfect.

He was still editing and recording videos, but his time in the office was cut in half, which wasn’t right now a big problem because he could go home with his boys and still be with them, eat with them and fall asleep in the same bed all together.

He promised them that, after all of this was over, he would take all of them whenever they wanted, as a way to thank them for begin so understandable with him.

It was lovely, at first.

The following months were not as lovely.

The office for the new project was now on the Bungalow, and not in the main Stage 5, which meant that Ryan couldn’t be all the time in there and now it was impossible for him to edit the videos that needed to be edited, and he couldn’t record as much as he wanted.

When this changed, he started appreciating the time he passed with his lovers, which was now getting shorter and shorter as the project became bigger and bigger. He started working in the weekends, and he spend a few nights in Stage 5, with Burnie and Miles, sometimes Ashley, discussing what they were going to do and what had to be done.

“Are they going to be upset you aren’t going to go home tonight?”

Miles asked Ryan, handing him a cup of coffee from the machine in the kitchen. It was the fifth night they spend in the animator’s space, lying on the couch and beanbags, papers and notebooks on the floor.

“I texted them, they said it was okay.” Ryan took a sip of his coffee, before talking again. “They understand that we are busy. There are really supportive and it’s awesome,” he smiled, and Burnie, who was sitting next to them, couldn’t help but smile back.

For the following week, Ryan (and sometimes Miles) had been crashing on Burnie and Ashley’s place because it was the closest house, the tiredness on their eyes leaving them unable to drive that far. Geoff didn’t seemed upset by the fact he was spending more time with Burnie and Ashley, neither of the boys said anything about it.

Ryan was incredibly thankful for having those mans at his side, dealing with him while he was in crunch mode. It wasn’t easy, he knew, but he was thankful.

When the deadline for the project was getting closer and closer, Ryan had barely spend time in his own house and he couldn’t remember the last time he came home and spend time with his boys, and he felt angry at himself because, whoa, what an awful boyfriend he was.

“That’s it,” Ashley announced, smile on her face. “It’s up and we are done.” Ryan rubbed his face with his hands and smiled to himself: finally. They were done with it.

“Can we go home? Please?” Miles asked Burnie, who was sitting next to the woman, looking at the computer screen. Burnie nodded, before turning all their computers and exiting the bungalow in silence.

For the first time in a while, Ryan was excited to go home and sleep with his five boyfriends, and finally return to the same old routine. Yes, the project was indeed challenging and nothing he had done before, but he was happy to go back to his desk in the AH office and to his own house.

Of course, he totally forgot all of them left to E3, and when he returned home he was meet by a dark, empty and quite house. Well, he could wait until they came in to return to the routine.

_Right?_

+

Ryan really wanted everything to go back to normal.

Let’s say that when the boys returned home, they greeted him with hugs and kisses and “ _we missed you_ ” and gentle touches that for Ryan, felt like heaven. They sat down on the kitchen table, as they did a few months back when Ryan announced Burnie’s proposition, and Ryan couldn’t help but smile at the jokes and stories that his boys brought back from L.A.

Of course, the next Monday was something different.

Ryan woke up on an empty bed, which was something very strange because he remember sleeping with Gavin on his arms, and Geoff’s arm wrapped around his waist. He got up and walked to the bathroom, noticing a few clothes laying on the floor.

When he when down the stairs and into the kitchen, he found his lovers eating breakfast (eggs and toast and bacon and juice), already showered and already dressed. He looked at his chair and noticed it was empty.

“Oh, Ryan,” Jack said, looking at the man, “I forgot you were upstairs. There’s cereal on the counter and-”

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Ryan smiled softly and thought to himself that maybe he got so used all this months of making breakfast for five and not six people. When he sat down, he listened to Ray talking about Adam Kovic with Michael, and Gavin drawing stuff on the Minecraft notebook while Jack and Geoff discussed with him the new Let’s Play.

Ryan tried to shrug off the uneasy feeling he had on his stomach and continued eating his cereal in silence. He asked Geoff if they were going to wait for him to go to work, and the man nodded, in silence.

But when Ryan came out of the shower, he found himself in a dark, empty and quiet house once again. When he looked out the window, he noticed that Geoff’s car was gone while his was still on the driveway.

He sighed and he just expected the day to be normal.

Of course, it wasn’t a normal day at all.

Ryan got into the office and started his computer, Lindsay coming out the Thugs office and congratulating him for the amazing job he had done with the project, which was now posted on the website. He returned her the hug and thanked her for being so sweet.

Geoff told them that they were going to record a new GTA Let’s Play, with a few new maps he had make with Michael’s help, and when it was time to send the invitations, Ryan received none. He checked his phone and his message on the Xbox system, but there was nothing, and before he knew, they were already in and playing.

“Sorry Ryan,” Michael excused himself, “maybe the next match.”

“It’s okay,” he answered, and opened Adobe Premiere, editing one of the videos that Lindsay had passed him. He shook his head, trying to take away the feeling that was leaving him restless on his chair, and they continued their day.

At lunch, Burnie and Ashley invited him to go out with them and Ryan accepted it without thinking twice: at least now he had a moment to clear his head and he wouldn’t say no to his two favorite people. After that, they stayed a while with Miles and Kerry, since the younger boy was watching the new show, laughing and giving them compliments as the scenes changed.

It was nice hearing people say nice things about the project, but it hurt a little bit that neither of his lovers had told him a word about it.

“Are you ready for The Patch?” Burnie asked, looking up from his phone. Ryan nodded and both of them got up, walking out the RvB space, passing in front of the Achievement Hunter office and the kitchen. Ryan turned his head and noticed the Lads talking loudly in one of the tables, smiling brightly at each other. “Are you okay, Ryan?”

“Uh? Yeah, why I shouldn’t be?” Ryan smiled, but inside he knew that it was the most fake smile he had even given to someone. His five boyfriends had been acting strange around him and he couldn’t help but feel as a ghost in his own relationship.

He hoped the feeling left within a few days.

+

3:02 am.

Ryan’s insomnia attacked again, which was nothing out of the ordinary.

Something that wasn’t normal was that he was lying on the guest bedroom and not with his boyfriends in, what it was supposed to be, their bed. He had been sleeping there a few nights, mostly because when he went to be, his boyfriends were already sleep and there was no space in bed for him, (also, he didn’t have the heart to move away one of them.)

He got up, tired of being on the bed and walked downstairs.

He found Geoff sitting on the couch, playing what it seemed a indie game, and Ryan thought that maybe he could have this opportunity to finally have a decent conversation with one of his boyfriends.

“Why are you up?” Ryan asked, and watched Geoff jump from his seat.

“Jesus, you scared the dicks out of me,” he muttered, before turning around to the screen, not answering the question.

“Can I sit down?” He asked again, and Geoff only replied with a shrug, which Ryan took as a yes. Both of them were in silence for a while, looking at the game, and hearing the quiet music and the sound effects coming out from the television.

When the pause menu suddenly came up, Ryan looked at Geoff, who was looking back at him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Please,” Ryan answered, trying not to sound desperate to finally hear his boyfriend voice _actually_ talking to him.

“Why are you acting so strange, Ryan?” Geoff asked, with a frown forming on his face.

Of course, that wasn’t the question that Ryan expected.

“Excuse me?” Ryan said, looking at Geoff with a confused expression. His boyfriend only gave him the look that said _you know what I said_. “I-I- _you_ are the ones who are acting strange.”

“What do you mean with that?”

Ryan rubbed his face with his hands and looked at the ceiling, as if he was trying to find the right words. “When the last time we when out together? The six of us.”

Geoff looked at the controller, thinking about his answer. “Well, we went out to Ruby’s the other night-”

“I wasn’t there.”

“Of course you were there- oh, no, it’s true,” he frowned, “we went to the mini golf, all together.”

“No, I wasn’t there either.”

“We went to see the new Transformers movie.” Ryan only shook his head, and Geoff shut his mouth, because he couldn’t remember the last time Ryan went out with them in a date. “I- I don’t remember.”

Ryan left his head rest on the back of the couch, his eyes glued to the screen in front of them. “Do you want to know why _I am_ acting strange? Because of you.” He turned his head and found Geoff’s bright blue eyes looking straight at him with a shocked look.

“Me?” Ryan shook his head. “Us?”

“Yeah. You see, Geoff… I wake up alone every day and I eat breakfast alone because you already left without me. I thought it was a normal thing; maybe you get used of me not eating with you or going to work with you anymore on those months,” Ryan explained. “But at the office it was the same: I didn’t record with you, I hardly appear on Go or Versus, and you… barely talked to me anymore.

“Do you know how it feels to be a ghost in your own relationship?” Ryan asked, trying his best to keep a straight face. “Jack threw away my favorite mug because he said no one was using it. Michael and Ray wouldn’t touch me anymore, not even brush me, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore, and Gavin,” he chuckled sadly, “it was our anniversary a few days ago. I brought him his favorite flowers and the memory he needed for the Phantom. I left them on his desk, and… you know? He thanked Jack instead, not remembering. And you know that I promise I’d take you anywhere for being so supportive? I tried to talk you about it, but you were so busy, that I- I just couldn’t do anything with you.”

Geoff was observing and listening him, feeling his heart clench when he noticed the hurt and the sadness that Ryan’s eyes expressed.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Geoff asked, sitting closer to his boyfriend.

Ryan bit his inner cheeks before answering. “I haven’t seen you that happy in a long time and, you know, I couldn’t bring myself to break that,” he answered.

Suddenly, he felt as if he couldn’t breathe and in a rush, he got up, moving away from Geoff’s grasp. He ran to the guest room and changed, taking his keys and shoes and leaving the house.

He didn’t know how he made it all the way to Burnie and Ashley’s without crashing his car. He felt Burnie’s arms around him and Ashley’s voice, whispering gentle words at him.

For the first time, he felt at home, even when it wasn’t with his boys.

+

Ryan had been never been very good with relationships and just thinking about his five (ex?) boyfriends made him dizzy. He was so scared of entering the Achievement Hunter office that he accepted Burnie’s invitation of staying with him on his office and, when they started talking about Steam and his peculiar details, Ryan’s mind hid his relationship problems under the simple conversation.

(That didn’t mean the thought wasn’t lingering in the back of his mind.)

At lunch, he expected to find an empty office, so he could finish editing a video in peace, but when he opened door, he saw five heads turning around. He noticed the same game on their screens and, of course, they had to be recording when he entered to the office.

“Oh- I’m sorry,” he apologized, quickly trying to close the door.

“Wait, Ryan!” Gavin called him, making him freeze in his spot. He observed them taking out their headphones and turning their chairs. “Please.”

Ryan hesitated but he finally entered into the office, closing the door behind him.  He sat down on the couch, not wanting to sit on his how chair. The Lads rolled their chairs closer, while Geoff and Jack sat down next to him.

“We’re sorry,” Michael started.

“Are you? Because you told me that you missed me, and you hardly said anything to me.” Ryan answered harshly. He knew sounded angry and, maybe, he should listen to them, but he was just so hurt and tired about everything.

Michael looked at Geoff and nodded. “I know, and I am very sorry about that.”

“I think acting like that was what held us together the months you weren’t at home,” Jack said, looking sadly at Ryan. “We kept our minds busy, with work, going out, anything that could distract us that you weren’t there and… I guess that stuck with us so much that when you came back, we didn’t know what _normal_ was.”

“That wouldn’t excuse the way we treat you all this time,” Ray commented, “but we love you, and honestly, we are truly sorry about what we did.”

Ryan smiled to himself, shaking his head, and Gavin asked what was wrong. “Nothing, it’s just- you know, you _actually_ talking to me again, directing words at me, telling that you _love_ me… it feels so strange.”

Geoff leaned forward and kissed Ryan’s cheek, pressing himself against the man, and Ryan couldn’t do anything else but melt at the touch, sighing. “We are really sorry,” Geoff’s voice cracked. “We’re a bunch of assholes.”

“Yes, you really are,” he answered back, sadly. 

He felt Jack’s fingers tangling with his, and he just looked up at the younger gent.  “We, the assholes, know that we aren’t going to be forgiven that easy but,” Jack muttered, a dim smile appearing on his face, “we would do anything and everything to not lose you.”

Ryan looked at them and took a moment, looking at his and Jack’s hand intertwined. He sighed and untangled their fingers, looking at the floor as if it was a hundred times more interesting. “I don’t know,” Ryan answered, trying to ignore Gavin’s eyes glued to him, as the same of the other boys looking at him, shocked. “You really hurt me, you know? And, I really don’t want to break what you have.”

“You’re not breaking anything-”

“Don’t lie yourself, Jack,” Ryan answered, quiet angry. “You know that you work better as five than six and,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t want to be the one who breaks that, okay? You’re wonderful and more than amazing and funny but this-”

He pointed at each one of them.

“It’s not going to work as a relationship.”

Geoff bit his lip, chocking a sob that was building up inside his chest. He looked away, trying not to look affected by the words, but, god dammit, they hurt badly. They fucked up big time and now there was nothing they could do. 

“I don’t want to be your ghost anymore and you deserve to be happy, and if that means that I wouldn’t be there, I- I’m fine with it,” and Ryan gave them a broken smile. “I’m so sorry.”

He suddenly Michael’s arms wrapping around him, and Ryan just hugged back, hiding his face on the lad’s neck. “It’s okay; you don’t have to be sorry.” Ryan felt Michael’s hands on both sides of his head and he looked straight at Michael’s eyes. “We’ll be fine.”

Ryan suddenly felt Jack’s arms around him and not long after that, Geoff’s. “We are sorry we hurt you,” Geoff muttered between tears and hiccups, which Ryan only washed away with his thumb, smiling softly at him. Gavin’s arms came after Geoff moved away, feeling Jack’s strong arms around him.

“Will you still be working here? Because I’d hate so much if this means that you go-” Ray started rambling and Ryan just took his hand, shaking his head.

“I’m not going anywhere. I know it’s not going to be easy at first, it’s going to be so awkward,” he laughed, “but we’ll make it work, okay?” Ray shook his head and gave Ryan a strong hug, kissing the gent’s temple. Gavin held Ryan’s hand for a while, but when the older got up, he kissed his knuckles and left him go without saying anything.

Ryan was the only one that wasn’t tearing up or crying in the office.

“Ashley,” he called the woman, his voice breaking in the process.

She heard Meg gasp and when Ashley turned around, he noticed Ryan’s eyes filled with tears and his breathing irregular, as if he was going to have a panic attack right there. “Get Burnie for me, okay?” She told the younger woman, who only got up in silence and ran to the other door.

Ashley got up and pressed her hands on Ryan’s neck, holding the man steady, observing the man’s expression. She had an idea of what could happen to make Ryan such a mess, but right now, she knew he didn’t want to talk about it, so she brought him closer and pulled him into a hug.

Ryan was the only one that wasn’t tearing up or crying in the office.

(But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be crying _outside_ of it.)

“Oh, Ryan,” she murmured, feeling Ryan’s arms wrapping around her waist, his nose burring on the woman’s neck, broken sobs coming out from his throat. Ashley’s hands were caressing the man’s hair, mumbling sweet words at him.

“What’s wrong?” Burnie asked carefully, entering The Know workspace, watching Ashley hugging Ryan and hearing the man’s heavy breathing. She only shook his head and Burnie, somehow, understood what she meant. “Hey,” he said to Ryan when the man had finally calmed down, a hand running through the man’s hair, “let’s go home, okay?”

Ryan only nodded, because the closest thing he had to a home now were Ashley’s gentle words and Burnie’s strong arms.

 


End file.
